VALENTINE'S SHIP
Players and setting: two people of any age and gender (preferably of sufficient age to be interested in romance) waiting at a bus stop; one is already waiting, facing the audience, and the other approaches as the skit begins. The one waiting has some sort of gift for his or her sweetheart. One crew member is needed to play a sound on cue.
Set and props: a Bus Stop sign, a gift of some sort (bouquet of flowers, wrapped present, etc.), a spaceship sound (preferably one landing and one taking off—maybe look for something similar to a Theremin to imply old flying saucer sounds from the 40s and 50s) with something loud to play it on, and a wristwatch or other timepiece for Actor B. If possible, obtain some pointy ears and a hat for Actor B.
Actor A
(Approaches the bus stop and faces the audience quietly for a few moments, looking from side to side; stands on the other side of the sign from Actor B, who is already waiting with a gift or bouquet in hand) Are you waiting for the bus?
Actor B
(Matter-of-fact tone with no sarcasm) No, I’m waiting for my spaceship. It should be here any minute.
A
Oh, funny. (Unamused laugh, looking at the audience) Ha. Ha. (Points to gift or bouquet) Are you taking that to your leader?
B
Well, yes, actually, my sweetheart. (Smiles)
A
What’s the occasion?
B
(Stares blankly for a beat before speaking with an incredulous tone) It’s Valentine’s Day.
A
Oh! Yes, I’d almost forgotten.
B
(Gasp) You forgot to get a gift, didn’t you? Well, there’s a gift and floral shop right over--
A
(Interrupting) No, no, I don’t need a gift: I don’t have anyone to give it to.
B
Oh. That’s SAD.
A
Why? God’s love makes every day Valent--
B
(Interrupting) No, I meant SAD: Singles Awareness Day. But what’s that about God’s love?
A
Well, the apostle Paul said he wished we could all live as he did, staying single, relying completely on God’s love. I’m trying to do just that. Singles Awareness Day, though…that sounds kind of cynical.
B
I suppose it is. So you’re telling me it’s better to be alone?
A
Ideally, but Paul also said it’s better to marry than to burn with passion, and Godly romance and marriage are indeed good things.
B
Tell me more about this Paul. He’s your hero?
A
One of them. Paul originally made it his mission to find and kill all followers of Christ, but once he recognized God’s love, he became a follower of Christ himself, and no longer needed any other kind of love.
B
That’s amazing! So you’ve found that kind of love, too?
A
Yes, God has shown me repeatedly how much He loves me. I already have my Eternal Valentine, I guess you could say.
B
That’s very interesting! So do you send God cards, or flowers, or something?
A
Ha! No, I send Him prayers and praise.
B
Not even candy?!
A
God already owns all of the cards, flowers, and candy in the world. Even if I could send those to Him, it wouldn’t be anything He doesn’t already have. What He wants is a relationship with me, so that’s my gift instead.
B
Wow. I’m going to have to think about this. Do you come to this bus stop often? I want to hear more.
A
Yes, I’m here every day at around this time. But we’re taking the same bus, aren’t we? Can’t we talk more there?
B
(Looks at timepiece, slightly distracted) No, that won’t be possible.
A
(Spaceship landing sound plays and A looks up) What was that?!
B
My spaceship. I told them I’d be on 5th, not 6th. They can’t get anything right! I’ll have to walk around the building. Bye! (Exits; if B has the pointy ears and hat, remove the hat during this line to reveal the ears)
A
(Follows B to the exit, but stands watching; spaceship take-off sound plays and A looks up, following the path of something flying away.)
(This last line may or may not be needed. Some performances end perfectly with B exiting, but if desired, after the exit, A pulls out a cell phone and dials) Hello, 911? Call the Army, call the Marines! I just saw a flying saucer take off from downtown! (Waits a beat) What’s so funny?
Set and props: a Bus Stop sign, a gift of some sort (bouquet of flowers, wrapped present, etc.), a spaceship sound (preferably one landing and one taking off—maybe look for something similar to a Theremin to imply old flying saucer sounds from the 40s and 50s) with something loud to play it on, and a wristwatch or other timepiece for Actor B. If possible, obtain some pointy ears and a hat for Actor B.
Actor A
(Approaches the bus stop and faces the audience quietly for a few moments, looking from side to side; stands on the other side of the sign from Actor B, who is already waiting with a gift or bouquet in hand) Are you waiting for the bus?
Actor B
(Matter-of-fact tone with no sarcasm) No, I’m waiting for my spaceship. It should be here any minute.
A
Oh, funny. (Unamused laugh, looking at the audience) Ha. Ha. (Points to gift or bouquet) Are you taking that to your leader?
B
Well, yes, actually, my sweetheart. (Smiles)
A
What’s the occasion?
B
(Stares blankly for a beat before speaking with an incredulous tone) It’s Valentine’s Day.
A
Oh! Yes, I’d almost forgotten.
B
(Gasp) You forgot to get a gift, didn’t you? Well, there’s a gift and floral shop right over--
A
(Interrupting) No, no, I don’t need a gift: I don’t have anyone to give it to.
B
Oh. That’s SAD.
A
Why? God’s love makes every day Valent--
B
(Interrupting) No, I meant SAD: Singles Awareness Day. But what’s that about God’s love?
A
Well, the apostle Paul said he wished we could all live as he did, staying single, relying completely on God’s love. I’m trying to do just that. Singles Awareness Day, though…that sounds kind of cynical.
B
I suppose it is. So you’re telling me it’s better to be alone?
A
Ideally, but Paul also said it’s better to marry than to burn with passion, and Godly romance and marriage are indeed good things.
B
Tell me more about this Paul. He’s your hero?
A
One of them. Paul originally made it his mission to find and kill all followers of Christ, but once he recognized God’s love, he became a follower of Christ himself, and no longer needed any other kind of love.
B
That’s amazing! So you’ve found that kind of love, too?
A
Yes, God has shown me repeatedly how much He loves me. I already have my Eternal Valentine, I guess you could say.
B
That’s very interesting! So do you send God cards, or flowers, or something?
A
Ha! No, I send Him prayers and praise.
B
Not even candy?!
A
God already owns all of the cards, flowers, and candy in the world. Even if I could send those to Him, it wouldn’t be anything He doesn’t already have. What He wants is a relationship with me, so that’s my gift instead.
B
Wow. I’m going to have to think about this. Do you come to this bus stop often? I want to hear more.
A
Yes, I’m here every day at around this time. But we’re taking the same bus, aren’t we? Can’t we talk more there?
B
(Looks at timepiece, slightly distracted) No, that won’t be possible.
A
(Spaceship landing sound plays and A looks up) What was that?!
B
My spaceship. I told them I’d be on 5th, not 6th. They can’t get anything right! I’ll have to walk around the building. Bye! (Exits; if B has the pointy ears and hat, remove the hat during this line to reveal the ears)
A
(Follows B to the exit, but stands watching; spaceship take-off sound plays and A looks up, following the path of something flying away.)
(This last line may or may not be needed. Some performances end perfectly with B exiting, but if desired, after the exit, A pulls out a cell phone and dials) Hello, 911? Call the Army, call the Marines! I just saw a flying saucer take off from downtown! (Waits a beat) What’s so funny?